The Online Logic Notebook

MY THREE VICES

2004-05-23T02:14:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I live a life of excess and it must stop. My life is being ruined by it. It all comes down to three areas where I need to see change happen: money, weight, and academics.

Money Problems

Problem: I am poor. I spend money even though I am poor. I consider my credit card as an extension of my body.

Examples of Problem: I have amassed quite a large anime and manga collection through the use of my credit card.
I now own:

Trigun and Hellsing $300 (damn you Amazon.com for charging me full price...I should have known better and bought them on ebay,)

Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water $30,

vol 1 of Azumanga Diaoh $40,

Chobits $30 (thanks to cheap prices on ebay. I love ebay!!)

***As for manga, I own:***

Chobits vol 1-4 $9.99 each,

One Piece vol 1-3 $7.95 each

FLCL vol 1&2 $9.99 each

Escaflowne vol 1 $9.99

Trigun vol 2 $14.95

***Misc.***

assortment of Trigun and Hellsing pins $21.00 (damn you ebay for being so easy)

Summary and Solution: So you see I spend tons of money for instant gratification. I don't know the value of money and will pay terribly high prices for on the whim purchases even if I need them to have my love affair with vash the Stampede. In order to solve this problem I will be handing my mother my credit card when I get home and will not use it unless of an emergency. I will also save my paychecks to balance my loan (which I am currently living off of)

Weight Problem

Problem: As most of you know I am losing weight. I need to lose 60 more pounds before reaching my goal. I will reach this goal. The problem that stands in my way is my self diagnosed binge eating disorder. I binge eat. I will eat food even when I'm not hungry. I'll keep eating until guilt sets in or my jaw hurts. My binges are so bad that I will go to the binge if I don't have food in my dorm. Doing other stuff doesn't really assuage that urge to eat. Sad isn't it. I only seem to binge on the weekends after my weigh in on friday.

Summary and Solution: My binge eating disorder is not about the food I eat. It's completely psychological. So, in order to heal myself emotionally and better my weight loss and healthy lifestyle, I am doing 2 things. When I feel a binge coming on I will try to make myself busy by: going for a walk, reading outside, talking to a friend, etc. If that doesn't work I will call Irene for a good bitch slap and reminder as to why my life is meaningful and not worthy of a binge. Secondly I am reading Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Solution to gain some more psychological insight.

Academic Problems

hmm...I don't really feel like discussing this. I'm way too ready for school to end.

**************************************************************

Awww, time for more interesting stories about my life.

I have decided that Archie is a pirate hunter and is currently waging war on the high seas that be my body. With that his current enemies are Terrible Tim (the notorious pirate that governs the flab and fat right above my belly button,) the saucy sisters Helga and Elda (my thigh fat,) Ave and Maria (the opera singers that are also my boobs) and Buttons McCoy (my hip fat which has finally decided to recede and hoist the white flag of surrender)

I had a gay erotic dream the other night. If that sounded strange to you it was even weirder to me. Sad part is I wasn't even turned on. It was more like watching a tragic ifc indie film. The plot was that there was this gay couple who go to this dark smokey coffee house to look for a little excitement in their relationship. They meet this foreigner from Germany or Sweden or something who is backpacking by himself in America. At this point it is rather ambiguous as to whether he is gay or not too. The couple and the foreigner start to talk (in broken english no less) and the couple eventually ask him to come back to their place. He goes (okay I'm naming the foreigner Karl cuz I'm tired of him not having a name) ...Karl goes home with the couple and after getting more than a little drunk on wine, they have themselves a little orgy. Karl stays at the couple's place and they take him to see the sights around New York (more post dream ad-libbing.) One night the three of them go to this gay sex club for a litle fun where poor Karl kinda gets shafted (pun not intended lol)by the couple who go off with other people. Karl then procedes to go through a bunch of random men a la Dahmer fashion (wait..this sounds too much like Dahmer...hmmm) The difference between my dream and the movie Dahmer is that Karl (too bad I didn't name him Jeffrey)starts getting really sick by the way he is living his life. He has spent all of his money, he lives on the streets, does drugs from dirty needles and has sex with men he doesn't know (even more ad-libbing.) He wasn't like this originally either. The point was that his innocence was corrupted. He now has all these sores on his body, one that was even popped by one of the guys he was with..ewww....puss and ooze..very nasty. Worse part of all were the bugs and ticks that were in his ears. The dream ended with the couple walking down the street one day and coming across Karl. They can't believe how terrible a condition he was in. I don't know if they helped him or not.

Strange huh. Just to let you know I made up about 75% of that as I was writing it. The thing with dreams is that they are mostly just visuals. You are shocked by the images you see and most often don't remember the plotline. I couldn't remember the exact plot for this dream. All I could remember was the images of the couple and "Karl" in the coffee house, tick like bugs coming out of his ears, Karl wearing a white shirt and looking all sickly while a guy is doing him from behind and the guy's hand pops one of karl's boils and all you see is this brown stain on the shirt from the puss and blood, and the couple seeing Karl at the end and being fairly disgusted. I made up the rest to make it more interesting.

I am still madly in love with Vash the Stampede. When I come home I am getting a black kitten and naming it Vash the Stampede even if it's a girl.

RANDOM THINGS I HAVE NOTICED OR DONE IN THE PAST 20 MINUTES

2004-05-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

*My room smells like graham crackers

*the badger has died and the lobster will now be eating it

*my water was laced with cocaine...I found white powder on my water bottle

*I ressurected the damn badger

*I just smelled my Jack Daniels Hikory smoke mustard...and their is no jd in there

*I diagnosed myself as a binge eater. I will attempt not to binge on weekends anymore. I will call Irene instead...or go watch anime...or go pretend to have a threesome with Vash the Stampede and Alucard...hmmm

*I am still depressed that my anime threesome has been postponed yet again due to crappy cal poly mail system. My threesome will now oficially start at 1pm wed.

*I have had to pee so bad for the past 20 min. given that I drunk a 1.5 liter bottle of water (w/cocaine no less)

*Rescued my OnePiece manga from the messy desk drawer that was threatening to eat it.

*just went to bathroom and now feel much better

*smelled JD mustard again...still no alcohol...but i did smell the smoke flavoring

*I am so mad that Jerry Orbach is leaving Law & Order and that creepy Dennis Farina is replacing him. Eww...he's like a cross between Alex Trebek and Burt Reynolds

*Dude, was the season finale of L&O: SVU bitchin or what. Hmm...tumors cause pediphelia...Irene was going to get so mad if the principal chick wasn't pregnant with her 14yr old student's baby. That kid was too cute too. Armer blond kid.

*I want peanut butter

BOYCOTTS FOR THE WEEK

2004-05-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

People and things have been pissing me off this weekend so I have decided to create a list of all the things and people I am currently boycotting:

*gas prices - so outrageously high I am refusing to buy gas. I have not bought gas since I came back from Irvine 2 weeks ago and I will not buy gas untill it's cheaper than freakin $2.35 a gallon. I am happy to remain on E.

*Kelloggs corn flakes - the guy who founded the cereal or his brother or something was completely against masturbation and preached that eating corn flakes would cure someone of their libidinous thoughts

*America's Judicial System - I don't understand why the display of naked gnomes is so offensive. The guy was just trying to exercise his right to free speech.

*Army Pfc. Lynndie England - God, At least I'm not as fucked up as her.

*Irene - for wanting to see Superman the Musical. I just can't accept that from her.

END OF WEEK REPORT

2004-05-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

I could have sworn I did one of these end of week reports just a few days ago but whatever, I like to write and write I shall. This week has been not too productive academically, but that does not really concern me at the moment. My personal life has been way more interesting than usual in the areas of Archie, my fantasy world, and Dance. (God, tech writing is invading my life and my poor blog has too suffer through SEE paragraphs because of it.)

As of this week, Archibald Fatticus III (my weight loss baby) is oficially back and kicking ass. For the past month Archie has been missing and I didn't exactly care to look for him. I went on a serious binge. I am a foodaholic. I admit that I had skipped weight watchers meetings and would binge eat on the weekends. I stopped exercising except for dance class. I landed up gaining a good 5 lbs back that I had worked so hard to shed.

So this week I recommitted myself to staying on program, drinking tons of water, and walking every day. I KNOW I lost weight when I stayed on program, so with that knowledge I am prepared again to stay on track. Pizza, candy, and all the other junk food (McDonald's) are not worth putting in my body. I know I can do it this time!!! I just have to remember to take it one day at a time and be patient. This weight is not going to come off overnight.

As of now I weight 197.8 lbs, which is the lowest I have weighed in 2 years. My thighs are also a lot thinner. I recently purchased a set of 5lb weights and will begin to get some upper body strength. My goal is to be down to 190 lbs by June 13 (which is when I get out of school.)I will continue to go to weight watchers meetings over the summer and my goal is to lose 30 more lbs before coming back for the fall; that would put me at about 160lbs. 160lbs would be fabulous to start the new school year off. After that I would just have to lose about 15 to 20 lbs more to be at a healthy weight. I have not been at a healthy weight since middle school so this would be a big change for me. But I am excited and I am determined to make it to goal. I don't want to be overweight anymore.

My fantasy world has also gotten a boost this week. Irene has offered me the services of her former prom date and friend to fulfill my Harry Potter fantasies. I have made a list of fantasies that he needs to make happen:

*harry potter (including harry potter wedding)
*office S&M (he is also in aerospace, so maybe we will work together someday and this one can come true)
*Vash the Stampede (Aghhh...why am I so in love with him...the guy doesn't remotely look like him except that he wears glasses...ooh and Vash is a nomad and this guy will be going around Europe this summer.)
*hmm...I can't think of any others at the moment.

Just to let you all know, I will be having a threesome with Vash the Stampede and Alucard from Hellsing this monday. On a whim, I bought the complete Trigun and complete Hellsing DVDs. Put me back about $300 so it better be worth it.

Irene has been noting that recently I have been mixing fantasy world and reality a lot. I shall for her sake try not to, but it is very hard. Much harder than losing weight. Oh, if you want to hear something hillarious call Irene's cell phone and listen to her message.

I owe so much to Norm and Anne Tiber. They are my folk dancing teachers and they have filled me with an appreciation for dance. Previously I have always stated that I hated to dance. I would never dance at parties or dances (prom especially.) But I suppose I just never found a type of dancing that I really liked. I love folk dancing and contra dancing. I still hate hip hop or club dancing. I have been so dance obsessed this week that almost every day I have danced for no reason. I would put on my dance cd and dance the allunelle or dance the patterns in a contra. I love it. My feet protest when I am not dancing. I seriously can't wait till June 4, when the next contra dance is happening. And I can't wait till I go home for the summer. In San Diego there is contra dancing every friday or saturday. I am also going to attend folk dancing classes and english country dance lessons (jane austen type dancing.)

Wow, my posts are seriously getting long.
Talk to you all later.

HARRY POTTER PARTY (repost)

2004-05-12T00:32:00.000-07:00

Okay I am announcing that I will be holding a Harry Potter party in June to celebrate the debut of the newest movie. It will be a costume party, so come dressed as your favorite character.

There will be lots of food and decorations (I'm making my own little Hogsmeade)We will be watching HP 1 and HP 2 and doing little HP crafts and games (I'm going to try to find an HP trivia game or something) The evening will end with massive carpool to Mira Mesa to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

Since everyone except for lucky Laura will still be in school when it premieres, I will be holding it SAT JUNE 26 and will start the first movie at 4pm, Hogwarts dinner feast (probably pizza and whatever traditional British foods I care to make) at 7pm and HP 3 will be at 9 or 10pm. Hope you all can make it, I will send formal invites out later this month, and I need RSVPs for HP 3 so I can buy tixs in advance.

MY LIFE IS VERY BLAH!!

2004-05-11T23:26:00.000-07:00

Update Overview:
*why my life is blah
*Contra Dancing
*Harry Potter Party

Hmmm...Why is my life blah. It just is. I feel like I have been coasting along for days at a time, not really thinking or doing much. Which I suppose is okay. I failed to finish my story outline from the last post, and now I'm too bored to do it. So you will not be seeing the rest of that story.

The bottom is about about to drop out from under me regarding my college career. Math ditching has become too consistent a passtime, 10page+ report on making the Avenue (on-campus eatery) a place for wireless internet is due in a few weeks along with class presentation (which sucks because I know nothing about computers,) and 30page+ report on our military trainer is due as well as powerpoint and presentation to industry. AWWWWW....my life will be sucking majorly for the next few weeks. So I will enjoy this last week of freedom.

I went contra dancing this weekend. I almost didn't go either. I am usually a social chicken and therefore I almost decided to stay at Anime club and not suck it up and try something new. The only thing that got me to walk into the building was the thought that I may actually have fun on a saturday night. So I got dressed up (black skirt, brown tank top, and nice black shoes,) put on make-up, and sat through 2 hours of anime before getting in my car and going to the slo veterans hall just down the street. To be honest, I was reallly nervous. It isn't like me to be this spontaneous. Especially when I don't know anyone there. But I did it. I walked into the building, payed the 10 bucks and waited till the dancing started.

Contra dancing is not line dancing or square dancing. It's similar to square but is done with a partner in long lines. There is a live band playing music and a caller who will teach the dance and call the steps. This is definetely a mixer dance. You will dance with pretty much everyone in the room during a particular dance and it is customary to have a different partner for each dance. There is a ton of twirling and strangely enough, bodily contact. My favorite part is the fact that while dancing the room tends to be spinning all around you and the only thing that remains clear is your partner's face.

Before attending this dance I had never been asked to dance before, I had never really danced with a guy before, I had never danced the waltz, and I had never actually enjoyed dancing. This dance changed all of that. For starters, I was really nervous about being asked to dance. But, I shouldn't have worried because I was asked within 10 minutes of arriving. I was also nervous because there was no instruction class so I didn't really know what I was doing. But everyone was so nice and helpful that I learned it as I went along and everyone gave me tips. It was actually not that hard to learn and I had learned several of the steps in my folk dance class (buzz step for the swing, allemandes,circle right/left.)I danced all of the dances except for 2 (one contra and one of the 2 waltzes)and I was asked to dance all of the times except for 2 or three, where I had asked the gentleman to dance.

It seriously pays to dance with more experienced dancers. In class, when we had done the buzz step/swing it always felt awkward since we didn't really know what we were doing or there was this whole feeling of avoidance of touching another person (2 of the guys in my class are the exception; they are actually fun to swing with)But dancing with experienced males (hmm...nevermind) was a treat. They know how to give weight (leaning back a bit while turning as to give tension)and therefore there is this whole spinning centrigugal force thing which can be really fun!! The problem with the people in my class is that they don't know how to give weight and therefore they feel like limp noodles in your arms. Spinning with them does not have a fluid motion.

I can't wait till the next contra dance on June 4 (same day as Harry Potter.) They also hold contra dances every week in San Diego, so I better get some support when I come back. I expect my friends to come and join in the fun.

Okay I am announcing that I will be holding a Harry Potter party in June to celebrate the debut of the newest movie. It will be a costume party, so come dressed as your favorite character. There will be lots of food and decorations (I'm making my own little Hogsmeade)We will be watching HP 1 and HP 2 and doing little HP crafts and games (I'm going to try to find an HP trivia game or something) The evening will end with massive carpool to Mira Mesa to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Since everyone except for lucky Laura will still be in school when it premieres, I will be holding it Sat June 26 and will start the first movie at 4pm, Hogwarts dinner feast (probably pizza and whatever traditional British foods I care to make) at 7pm and HP 3 will be at 9 or 10pm. Hope you all can make it, I will send formal invites out later this month, and I need RSVPs for HP 3 so I can buy tics in advance.

UPDATES FOR THE WEEK mostly for my knowledge

2004-05-05T22:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have no real care to update you, my wonderful readers (all one of you, Annie,jk) on what's been happening in my life this week. Mostly because nothing has happened. I have had no real homework so I've mostly been watching tv and reading fanfiction. But I have to recap what I need to do this week so here it is:

DANCE:

5/7/04 Salsa lessons and Dance 8-11pm arch building rm225
5/8/04 Contra Dance at slo vet hall 7:30-11:30pm
*buy flat tennis shoes to dance in
**buy swishy skirt to dance in
***call about summer lessons (english country dance, folk dance)
****beg friends to go contra dancing with me this summer (will bargain: martial arts lessons for Laura or that country line dance place for Shannon)

MOVIES:

Rent these movies this weekend
*Clockwork Orange
*Stealing Beauty
*Sound of Music
*Everest
*Taboo
*The Piano

MINNA NO ANIME:

5/8/04 anime club...watch anime till contra dance time
*find someone to let me borrow Trigun
**Drool over Vash the Stampede
***stop crossing Harry Potter and Hellsing in my mind

FANTASY LIFE:

My fantasy life is still very active and tends to make up for my increasing anti-social tendencies

*I constantly fantasize about corporate life: memos, procedures, regulations, enforcing regulations, symposiums, and yelling at subordinates. I'm afraid that this might lead to being turned on by office S&M...something I'm probably prone to.

**Draco Malfoy (age 18 please) do I really have to say more. I like to pretend that I'm Hermione and that he's really all dark and brooding. And we have this fling, maybe fulfill some prophecy. The fling leads to Hermione getting pregnant and she leaves Hogwarts without a word. She and her parents move to Australia and she nearly dies giving birth to her daughter. The doctors perform a cesarean and she bleeds so much that her heart stops and they have to cut her chest open (so graphic, I know...too much ER) She survives but she has some pretty hideous scars. Anyways...she and her daughter June move to New Zealand and run the household of this farm guy (think The Piano, especially Harvey Keitel) Eventually, when June is six, she returns to Hogwarts upon receiving an invitation from Dumbledore. Meanwhile, Draco has been interning as a potions instructor under Snape's guidance. Hermione refuses to acknowledge that June is Draco's kid. Lots of other things happen but they take too much time to write out. This is just a teaser.LOL

***My grand epic which I think I've only ever told Katie. This one is pretty bitchin and still involves Hermione as the main character. I swear I will actually write this one out. It crosses Harry Potter, Jane Eyre, LOTR, Gladiator, Willow, Valmont, Hellsing and others. I just use the plot and some of the characters from these movies and put them in my story, so no true crossovers.

Basically Hermione gets kidnapped in her 5th year (to fulfill some prophecy and rid the world of evil) and all her memories of hogwarts are erased. She gets placed as a servant in a wizarding home (think victorian/jane eyre) and she becomes the governess to the little fench girl. The lady of the house was supposed to teach her some type of magic but she has such a bias against muggle borns that she refuses and the man of the house is forced to get rid of her.

She goes to some charm school where she learns how to be a lady, how to dance, etc. no real magic (she doesn't have a wand anyways.) But the charm school actually fronts as a brothel for wizards, namely death eaters. So she actually attempts to seduce Lucius Malfoy without even knowing it. But another man rescues her by saying that lucius would be too cruel for her first time. So he teaches her the ways of love, sex and seduction. (Think Valmont, but not with colin firth, replace him with john malcovich, so pretty much Dangerous Liasons instead)

By this time, the higher ups (to be revealed later) who were supposed to be preparing Hermione to fight Voldemort have realized that the first woman never taught her wandless magic like she was supposed to and so they send Ben Kingsley to fetch her from the school and give her proper training. By this time Hermione is probably 18 or 19. Ben Kingsley (don't know his name yet but he looks like him) teaches her wandless magic and Russel Crowe (gladiator) teaches her to fight with a sword.

At this point, I'm imagining that a bunch of non-wizards and other magical creatures live in this world. (willow) Voldemort has his death eaters, the dementors, evil creatures, and evil non-magic people on his side. The good side includes the ministry of magic, Hogwarts, and a bunch of village type non-wizards, and even a non-magical army (think Willow or LOTR.)

Hermione thinks upon Ben as a father figure and even becomes close to his young adopted son. But after her lessons are complete he tells her that he sold her to the army to fight against voldemorts creatures. She quickly ascends the ranks in the army, and the captain makes her an assassin. She is actually very good at this. She dresses like a ninja/sorsha from Willow (sort of) and rides a horse. She sneaks into the houses of death eaters and poisons them with a massive dose of arsenic. Just before they die she kisses them. She gets her reputation from the fact that she brutally massacres the body after they are dead. Lots of carnage (kind of like From Hell)

When she gets back from an assignment she has dinner with her Captain who without her knowledge puts a heavy sleeping draught in her food. When she wakes she finds that her arms are tied and she is riding in front of Aragorn on a horse (again, i'm not sure of his name, but he looks like this) A struggle persues, obviously. But he tells her that she was sold yet again. This time to this band of rangers of whom Aragorn is the leader. Lots of stuff happens here...again I'm too tired to write it all, plus if I actually do write this story there has to be some surprises.

Hermione finds herself falling for the leader of the rangers and he even likes her too. She may portray herself as being this hard, cold assassin but she's still rather innocent inside. Time passes and the rangers have to take this witch girl to Hogwarts (which now also serves as a protective fortress) to protect her from Voldemort who wants her for his side. The girl is much prettier than Hermione and constantly flirts with the ranger leader. Which makes Herm mad, especially when he flirts back.

So they all get to Hogwarts, and Hermione feels this strange pull in her. Like she almost remembers being here. Harry, Ron and Ginny are overcome with emotion when they see her. But she just stares at them uncomfortably, she doesn't remember them. Dumbledore, who was the one who originally took her memories (for her protection and to further the prophesy) gives them back to her. She's mad and confused at everyone who has lied to her, even the ranger leader who was actually the one who kidnapped her in the first place.

Forgot to mention that the one who was pushing this prophecy thing, that Hermione will be the one to save everyone and defeat voldemort, is a wizard who is higher in rank than dumbledore (think saruman from LOTR) He is at Hogwarts at the moment as well. The wizards tell Hermione about the prophecy and inform her that she has to undergo this ritual and take into her the powers of all these former witches and wizards.

Ok...I am way too tired to finish this. Maybe I'll finish in a post tommorow.

My Weekend At home

2004-05-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

This weekend I took an extended vacation and went home to visit family, friends, and my dying pet cat, Sugar. I left Wednesday after my last class at 7:00pm and arrived home with the obligatory Mexican food.

Thursday: I honestly was so drugged out I can't remember what I did on this day. I think I slept till 1pm, and then watched TV. Oh, we all got new verizon silver flip phones. I love mine. I bonded with mine (I let it feel my heartbeat.) I'm thinking of calling it Harry. I've already customized it with a Toy Story wallpaper and ring tone. I didn't even watch ER, or at least it was on and I wasn't paying attention.

Friday: I actually got up at a reasonable time and hauled my ass down to Fry's to check out anime. I found the first volume of Azumanga Diaoh, which is this really cute anime that we are watching in anime club. I was also so tempted to buy Trigun, which is funny since I technically have only seen one episode. But I loved it. I guess I'll have to get my Trigun fix Monday thru Thursday and Saturday at 1:30am.

Later that night I went to a vastly under populated MNC at Annie's house where we watched Love Actually. After that we went to It's a Grind to investigate the whole high school coffee house scene. It was creepy, and it didn't help that it was open mike night. To cap the evening I spent 2+ hours watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...yup...it was...uh...interesting.

Saturday: More drugged out sleeping till noon. Then we watched the depressing movie, My Life Without Me, about a young woman with cancer who has 2 months to live. It was really good. I totally recommend it (Mark Ruffalo is totally hot.)

Then I wanted to watch Free Willy but Katie was having none of that. So she started Bend it Like Bekham and I went to read Peter Pan fan fiction on adultfanfiction.net (great site for your...uh...adult fan fiction...lol.) I read a pretty good one involving an older Wendy and Hook. I know I lead a pathetic life. But I swear it's probably infinitely better than crossing Hellsing with Harry Potter (which had been my current obsession) and not nearly as bad as all the Hook/peter pan fics or Snape/Harry fics.

Instead of spending the rest of the night being silent at Laura's house where anime watching was not a guarantee, I stayed home with the folks. I didn't actually spend time with them as I took an hour long bath and then read more fan fiction, but I suppose it's the thought that counts. Because of fan fiction I missed Mad TV (with OC cast including Adam Brody,) SNL, and Trigun (damn it!!)

Sunday: AWWWW. My damn bed is putting me in a coma. I swear it's way too comfy. I can never wake up and when I do I feel like I was run over by a camel. I grudgingly woke up at 10am and left for Irvine. I arrived to meet Irene, who looks as lovely as ever, and we went out to lunch at the Japanese food market. We had curry, pork, teriyaki chicken, and tempura. It was very tasty. Irene was also a doll and she bought me a cream puff. OOH...I swear I had the opportunity to meet the love of my life. But unfortunately he was arriving at 3:00pm and I had to leave at 2. It was so depressing. His name is Agatsuma...and he plays the Japanese banjo or something. We literally watched the little video they were playing of him, over and over again. We also loved the tiny crappy folding chair they gave him to play on. He would have fallen madly in love with me had I been there to watch him play. Oh well.

I got back to my dorm room at 7pm and I took a little nap till Alias came on. Alias was weird as always and I couldn't stop rooting for Sark and Arvin Sloane (the bad guys) to kill Sydney or at least the sister. I’m getting so pissed at her character. She is so annoying. Vaughn is turning into Jack Bristow Jr. Jack gave him a key to his closet of weapons and identities so Vaughn could kill his traitor wife Lauren. It was cool. I love Jack, except when he was all macking on his possibly dead wife's sister.

Hmm...what did I watch after Alias? 10.5 of course!!! That would be NBC's newest crap mini series where a 10.5 earthquake destroys the western coast of the USA. They are trying to create tension and drama with weird camera shots (the dp was so zoom happy it killed me) and crappy acting from everyone. Aghhhh it was so horrible; and not the horrible where it's actually funny. Grrr...don't watch part 2 on Monday. Watch M. Night Shamalyn's Unbreakable instead.

DANCING MY WAY TO EVEREST

2004-04-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

My life at the moment seems to have a common theme; lack of motivation. It's true. I can't seem to get motivated to do anything. I don't remember the last time I did math homework or my laundry. I have only walked once this week. I haven't been on my weight watcher's plan for the last few weeks. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't tell if I'm bored or sad. I generally don't feel anything. It's strange walking around feeling this numb. It's almost as if I am just watching the time on the clock pass by, without having real purpose to the actions I take during the day.

I am NOT depressed though. As I am sure that is the first thing people will want to tell me and then follow it with "oh everyone feels like that from time to time." Well, BULL SHIT. I don't care if other people feel like this. That is not going to motivate me. Grr...I'm going to drop the subject now.

Have I mentioned yet that I want to become a folk dancer. I'm currently taking a dance class and I seriously love it. We are learning a Scottish folk dance called Mari's Wedding that looks so cool. It's one of those partner line dances that have you doing figure eights all over the place. I am so going to look up a dance club when I get back to SD.

I think I've always wanted to be a dancer. I love the way dancers look too. I would love to have a dancer's body. Long lean legs and that sort. I blame my parents for not encouraging me to dance as a child. But then apparently they tell me that they signed me up for a class once, but I hated it so much I refused to go. I think it's the same thing with gymnastics. The only thing they don't have an excuse for is why I am not tri-lingual. I could have been. I could have spoken English, Spanish, and Polish. But NO! They were lazy; and I blame them.

Back to my current obsession with Everest.

Things I have done or will do to prepare myself to climb Everest:

1.) walked through Poly Canyon
2.) aerobic prep through folk dance
3.) plans to scale Poly P and Bishop's Peak
4.) recommited to WW and will lose weight and get in shape, cuz they don't let fat people touch the mountain
5.) watched Vertical Limit to find out what not to do
6.) watched Alive to get tips on cannibalism just in case my trek comes to that
7.) will watch Everest (imax film)
8.) Am reading Into Thin Air, which is strangely about the same expedition as the movie Everest
9.) buy better shoes, cuz mine suck

Pontentially Me, though I wouldn't wear red.
(http://www.mpm.edu/imax/media/everest)

THINGS I LEARNED WHILE WATCHING VERTICAL LIMIT

2004-04-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, so at this very moment I am watching the movie Vertical Limit with Chris O'Donnel and Robin Tunney and all I can say is that this is the most random movie I have ever seen. It is so goofy I didn't know wether to laugh or turn it off. Anyways, here we go:

*hmm...six people died to save one person who was stupid enough to climb in a snow storm

*every hiker should carry some nitro around either for emergencies or just for fun

*apparently nitro reacts to sunlight and no engineer has come up with a sealed canister good enough to stop it from leaking

*Chris O'Donnel has amazing strength in that he leapt from one mountain to the next with his axes and didn't even dislocate his shoulder

*Scott Glen is the most awesomest mountain climber...he is impervious to wind and frost. ooh...and he found his dead wife still frozen in the snow

*making the descision to cut someone's rope so that they ultimately die but you are saved happens to every mountain climber but if you are Chris O'Donnel expect it to happen a lot.

*"Factual errors: Everything shown about belaying and climbing techniques, high altitude mountaineering, helicopter usage, high altitude medicine (exception: dex), high altitude mountaineering clothes and the shape of K2 is wrong." (from imdb.com)

*Can I just say that I love David Carradine (random and not even involving VL, rather he is on Alias)

EVEREST AND BEYOND

2004-04-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

hmm...my hand is shaking for some odd reason. It could be the caramel machiato in my hand but I'm not sure.

Well I just sat through 8 hours of traffic school. It wasn't that bad actually. I suppose that's why it's called Sat/Sun Painless traffic school. I learned some new things too.

wow, my hand is really shaking right now. kinda creepy.

Wow, these paragraphs have no relation to each other....OH WELL.

Apparently it is cow insemination day as that is all I can hear at the moment...poor cows. When my sis and my other sis Annie were here we couldn't stop calling Cal Poly, Cow Poly, cuz it just sounded so damn similar.

I have now decided that I want to be a mountain climber. This is one of my newer weirder obsessions. I saw Touching the Void just recently and I'm reading Into Thin Air, which are both about mountain climbing gone horribly wrong. I also just rented Alive (my favorite cannibal movie) and Vertical Limit (crappy movie I know.) I plan on starting small, getting in shape, and climbing the Poly P, all the way to the top of the hill. And then move on to Bishop's Peak. I have to get better shoes though, my price club sneakers are just not going to cut it if I plan on scaling Everest in 5 years (jk.)

New blog and List of Men

2004-04-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

Hey, welcome to my new, redesigned blog. I think it's completely awesome. My friend Annie stole the background and designed the rest. It looks awesome and sounds awesome (NIN, of course.)

This weekend is Open house at CalPoly and I am so glad I am not an incomming freshman. I spent the entire time making sure people knew I was a student. I loved feeling so vastly superior. I now know how weird it is to have bunches of parents at my college. It was very strange. But, we (Annie, Katie, and me) spent the whole time downtown. We walked around, visited my favorite used book store, did the whole Farmer's Market and saw 2 movies, Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind and Kill Bill vol. 2. They were both awesome movies. I am so in love with David Carradine now and we are so having a daughter named Clementine.

College can be very awkward. As if watching my roomie and her friends down alcohol untill they are stumbling out the door is bad enough...I so swear I heard the girl across from me having sex with her boyfriend...even Annie heard it too. She was very loud...grr...this girl's sexual habits are keeping me from going to the bathroom.

List of Men in my life
1.) The Cowboy: The Cowboy belongs to the girl next door. I first saw him one late afternoon. He was leaning against the wall in my bathroom wearing a cowboy hat, wife beater, and jeans. Suffice it to say, I couldn't go to the bathroom. The next time he saw me I was only in my towel, as I was going to take a shower. I think he was more embarrased than I was.

2.) TA: Oh how I love TA, let me count the ways....Anyways, I just love him. And I was completely sad when the quarter ended and I never saw him again. So I learned to live without him. But...just recently, I landed up walking a different path than usual and I saw him walking towards me. He even waved and smiled to me before I waved back at him. Aww...my favorite TA moment came when we were flying our planes and it was raining. We were all huddled under this one umbrella. My hair landed up getting caught in the umbrella, and since I was holding the plane he unhooked my hair. I was dying....it was nearly 30 seconds of physical contact.

3.) The Unsolved Mysteries Guy: He was the first crush I can remember. I probably wasn't more than 10 years old. He was hot for an old guy. The only redeeming value of having him as a former crush is that if I tell people i liked him, no other embarrasing crush can even remotely compare. They will always go back to this guy. I suppose it takes the pressure off.

4.) Bill: This is my newest one and I didn't even know it till hours after meeting him. He is the guy who sold me the book "Into Thin Air" at my favorite used book store. He was a pretty average 40 something guy, but his personality completely blew me away. He was so funny. He was warning me about cold air and reading it in my bath tub. I named him Bill because right after buying the book we saw Kill Bill vol 2. Bill calls Beatrice (uma thurman) "kiddo" in the movie and the guy from the book store called me kiddo. So he shall be my Bill.

***OOH...All you people have to go see "Touching the Void" at your local indie theater. It was so awesome. It's about 2 mountain climbers climbing Siula Grande in Peru. One guy breaks his leg and his partner has to struggle to lower him down the mountain only to have to make the descision to cut him lose. Go see the movie to see if he survives.

Oh, the Joy of PORN

2004-04-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

Ha ha, just kidding.It's been a whole week since I've updated so I should probably let you know that nothing really happened. Oh yes, the joy of being me. My life is boring and people should run when they see me (I suck the life out of a fun moment.) Okay whatever, on to good stuff, I swear!! First of all, this week is the first week I have been somewhat confident about the classes I am in. Folk dance is the best, seriously. I didn't expect this class to be so damn fun. Aw..but it is. I so plan on finding some sort of folk dancing club back in San Diego. My technical writing class is definitely getting better. At first I was so freaking intimidated. All of the students were junior and senior engineers who had jobs and internships. I was one of 2 or 3 freshman. The teacher didn't help either. She was so hard to get a read on. Her voice was always sarcastic bordering on sardonic. AND...the weirdest part about the class is that we run like a company. We have to apply for the position as technical writing consultant with a resume, cover letter, and even interview. But it's much easier now that I have a better feel for the class. Aero is going much better as well. I was lost in all the physics of air. Having never study air properties before (like density, pressure, velocity, temperature) I was so in way over my head. BUT...the light has clicked and I now understand...so yay me!! It doesn't hurt that I think I got into the good group for our design project. They're all older and have taken way more classes than me. Another interesting thing about this class is that i'm one of only 2 girls. So yay me again!! The class right before mine only has one girl.

The only class that has been kind of pushed to the back burner is math. Oh, poor math. I know. Not again I said. I swear on all that is logical and divine that I will attend my math classes. 10am is not early. It is the perfect time for math. I also swear that when given the choice to read harry potter fan fiction particularly the kind with Hermione and a very bad Draco or do math.....I WILL DO MATH!!!

okay, to wrap it up, I have yet to start smoking so yet again, another yay for me. I'm glad your tough week is over Laura. It seemed pretty hectic. I hope next week is better. Call me, I miss you. Ooh...and to my other woman, thank you for always being there for me to vent or filling me with penicilin wisdom. We must play our drinking game again, too much fun.

Ariel

Why Oh Why?

2004-04-03T23:41:00.000-08:00

Holy shit…that’s all I can say. Why do I subject myself to this torture every damn week? Yes the drunken parade is out in full force. I mean come on, do I really expect it to be any different. The loud music, the screeching drunk girl, the empty bottles of beer lining the floor and tequila and vodka on the table. At the moment I am surreptitiously writing this entry and hoping to god that I can’t be convicted of some crime by mere association. I suppose I can’t claim ignorance……..Holy Shit…I need a fucking prozac and a cigarette…badly. Like you have no idea. (for your info, there was a good hour gap between these sentences.) I couldn’t take the noise so I had to go seek fresh air outside. I walked around the building and had the worst craving for a cigarette imaginable. When I rounded the corner back to my room I swear I heard her friends calling me a bitch and wondering if I had gone and told on them. But seriously, my roomie should give me more credit. Have I ever told on them….NO. So I just told them that they were being really loud and should probably close the window. Hmmm...Sigh. I feel for my roomie’s friend who came down for the weekend. Poor guy is only 16 and is so fucked up he could barely walk. They hadn’t even left yet for the frat party and already they were so wasted. The five of them downed a whole bottle of coconut flavored rum and half a huge ass bottle of so co (southern comfort for the non-initiated.) The guy is so cute though. Just darling….which is sad and makes me feel really old. But now at 11:30pm I am finally alone. Thank God!!! I swear I’m going to church tomorrow…I just can’t deal. Hopefully I will be so passed out by the time they come traipsing back into my room at 3:30am (4:30am considering the time change) that I won’t hear them. But I probably won’t be that lucky. And for all those lucky people out there who I know never read my blog…thank your lucky stars you have nice Christian roommates who watch ER with you on Thursdays or are never there to begin with.

Adieu,
Ariel (who will offer 20 bucks to the first person to go get me a pack of marlboros and their prescription for oxycontin)

p.s. they stole my butter and left it in the bathroom....no words really...

ahh...spring break

2004-03-30T21:33:00.000-08:00

well, i hope the rest of you guys had good spring breaks cuz mine was frickin awesome. Went to New York with the family, puttered around manhattan a bit and then hit Boston, Rhode Island and Pennsylvania. Instead of boring you with ALL the details here is an abreviated list of stuff we did. (if you really want to see the whole trip reviewed ask and i'll show you the one in the actual logic book)

Trip highlights:

1.) saw Jaime Gleicher from Rich Girls, or at least my sister swears we did
2.) took pictures in front of all the major fashion stores including Gucci and Luis Vuitton.
3.) sis bought a knock off LV from the back of truck at at Penn flea market
4.) saw MTV studios, did the Met, lincoln center, lobby of empire state building, ellis and statue of libertad (hee hee), time square at night
5.) learned why Jewish people are beautiful from a lady on the street
6.) was offered pot by a guy on the street
7.) eye hooked with this toblerone kid at the entrance to the subway
8.) date hooked with cute skater/business guy in the airport
9.) saw the grandparents
10.) learned my cousin Scott is kinda ghettoish and my cousin Megan is so like me...except for the whole Orlando Bloom thing
11.) drooled over timothy olyphant and saw Deadwood at least 3 times
12.) got sick after eating clams at Tweets in Rhode Island...spent 2 hours puking....very icky....my sister didn't even wake up...bitch!
13.) tried to blend in to the whole New York persona but failed miserably
14.) learned that the food i loved eating as a kid was murcillo, which i know now is blood sausage
15.) saw a guy spontaneously become a tour guide for this korean couple and so stereotypically almost got hit by a taxi...and then cursed furiously at him...it was great!!
16.) desperately tried to be a Japanese tourist...once again failed miserably
17.) ooh..ate yummy pizza at Ray's
18.) went to Stage deli...where they have all the actor sandwiches like the J-Lo and Conan O'Brian (my dad had that one) i naturally had the cheese burger.
19.) saw rockefeller center and the ice rink, nbc studios, and the ed sullivan theater (dave lettterman)
20.) couldn't remember the deli in letterman's show...now know it's Hello Deli
21.) saw too many film crews to count
22.) saw too many starbucks to count
23.) counted all the pretty banks and investment firms like merril lynch and washington mutual
24.) World Trade Center
25.) took the self created Law and Order tour...meaning we saw riker's island from one of the bridges and spent that night's episode looking up all the given street names on our map...did miss one police plaza and the court houses though
26.) saw the bar where my parent's met, the navy housing we used to live in, the hospitals where my sister and I were born, the schools we might have attended
27.) stayed in the Poconos at a Villa...no not tuscan unfortunately
28.) gained 5 lbs...grr too many carne asada fries
29.) hmm i think that's it...

okay, here is a list of other random things i've been thinking about or participating in:

* i am in love with that song "I believe in a Thing Called Love" by The Darkness...aww i am so in love and i don't know why
* i'm in love with dan futterman from Judging Amy (my new favorite show) but we'll just call him Vincent
* I totally have been going insane over this one song that reminds me of last summer but I couldn't remember the name....ahhh it's been driving me nuts
*figured out that the song was "Blue and Yellow" by The Used
*was fixing my hair when I witnessed my crack baby monkey humping my crack baby elephant
*drove back to school so late on sunday. I didn't even start til 6:30pm. I was so tired that I had to keep slapping my legs and yelling to stay awake...very scary!!
*I have the feeling I'm getting prematurely old. In that I have a growing fondness for coffee (creme, double sugar) and I have been going to bed by eleven and got up by 7 am...eww (shudder)
* ooh!! and I have a grey streak at my temple (actually just a piece of over highlighted hair)
*ick, I have traffic school in a few weeks

bye for now
princess ariella

Oy Vey

2004-03-05T19:25:00.000-08:00

wow, where to start. This day has just been hectic. Well, not really. First off, I got up at 6:45 am to register for classes. Boo...i hate having last priority. I didn't get any of the classes I needed (physics 132, chem 124) and I'm not about to crash those classes (too much effort.) I do like what I ended up with though. I'm taking Engl 149 technical writing, math 244 linear algebra, aero 215 intro to aero design, math 241 again (possibly have to repeat, but if I do well on the final she'll pass me), and danc 135 international folk dancing. Hmm....strange that last one....I was seriously desperate for a 2 unit class and this one seemed okay. lol.

After class, I went and got my hair done but not before taking a little road trip to damn near Canada. I swear...I was 20 minutes early for my hair appointment so instead of waiting in my car, I decided to see what was down the road; i had never been in the area before. But the sucky thing about SLO is that most roads that appear to lead to no where really do lead to no where. Long country roads with no turnouts or stop lights. So I landed up going 10 miles before I could turn off at a cemetary no less (strange since it was right next to a preschool) and go back to the hair place. Ugh.

My life has taken a very sad turn today. I am mourning the potential loss of an icon. My rolemodel. The woman I looked to for hints on napkin holders, curry lentils and tuna and farfalle puttanesca. Yes, you've guessed it, the queen of homemaking, Martha Stewart, has been convicted on all counts of perjury and insider whatnot. Oh, what a sad day. Strange as it sounds, I don't want to see Matha's downfall. I actually liked her and her abusive, neurotic tendencies. I loved the supportive way she treated the children on her show, showing them how utterly incompetent they are at spreading frosting on sugar cookies. Ahh good times. I shall always treasure my my memories of watching Martha on saturday mornings with the sis and all the halloween and christmas specials. sigh...Pumpkin spice bread will never be the same again.

Yes, I'm a Nymph

2004-02-25T21:38:00.000-08:00

This is frickin hilarious. I took this test and it is strangely accurate.

http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DBSD&g=2&o=1&h=162

go and take the test yourself and post what you are under the comments section

Random Acts of Kindness

2004-02-25T13:47:00.000-08:00

Grr....I have now come to the opinion that I HATE rainy days. I know you like them Laura, but you apparently have an umbrella. Could I find my umbrella on the most windy, pouring, psuedo-hurricane day of the quarter....OF COURSE NOT!!!!! I got to sleep in till 11:30am but had to get up to turn in my physics homework at noon. I couldn't find my umbrella (the one that I had cursed at during the last rainstorm) and I subsequently had to walk to class in the pouring rain. It was severly heinous. But, there was a bright spot in this whole trek around campus. I was walking back to my dorm and desperately hoping that someone would share their umbrella with me. The guy walking behind me for half the way didn't...boo him...BUT a very nice guy who crossed the street to my side offered to share his gigantic umbrella with me. I felt touched and a whole lot drier. So I thank him from the bottom of my rain soaked jeans. OOH and he was also very conversational. Which made for a more lively and interesting walk back (Gotta love them 3rd years.)

OOH...I read your recent blog Laura and I'm even more convinced that we share half a brain. You were depressed yesterday, I was depressed yesterday....coincidence? not a chance. I did call you though, and left a message.

Hmmm...I hate having last priority registration. I register for spring quarter next friday and it's not looking good. I need to take Math 244 (which I'll get), chem 124 (somewhat unlikely), Physics 132 (not a chance...i will be crashing this class) and English 149 (hmm..maybe) So instead I'm hoping there will still be spots open in Psychology 202 and Anthropology 201

WW: OOH I haven't updated Archie. he's getting very big and i'm very proud of him even with the weekend binging. He is now 17.5 lbs

my downward spiral begins

2004-02-24T19:10:00.000-08:00

I can feel it. Something has changed inside of me, and not necessarily for the better. I knew I should have been weary of all the good and deliriously happy days I've been having. I can feel it... and it makes me livid and doleful all at the same time. There are times where I feel depressed for no real reason. Where I question myself, my convictions, who i represent to myself and to other people. I become insular and reclusive.

damn it....i have been talking to Irene during the whole time i've been writing this so all the things I wanted to express here were ultimately dealt with in my conversation. I hate when I can't form cohesive thoughts or forget my good thoughts before i write them down. grr...at least i'm not as depressed as i was an hour ago.

OKAY: VERY LONG POST FROM CONVERSATION WITH IRENE***********
(but it is very imformative, if you really want to know me...ooh theres a reading list at the end)

Reddragonlady47 (7:20:05 PM): i'm writing a new blog entry on my depression
XReniegade (7:20:23 PM): hmmm
XReniegade (7:20:28 PM): dedicate it to someone you hate
Reddragonlady47 (7:20:38 PM): no
Reddragonlady47 (7:20:46 PM): i don't hate anyone
XReniegade (7:20:53 PM): yea you do
XReniegade (7:20:56 PM): you hate me
XReniegade (7:21:02 PM): for being so lovable *heart*
Reddragonlady47 (7:21:06 PM): lol
XReniegade (7:22:07 PM): I hate you for being so lovable
XReniegade (7:22:16 PM): so the sentiment is equally returned
Reddragonlady47 (7:22:47 PM): i hate you for being so unattainable in my mind
XReniegade (7:22:54 PM): uh oh
XReniegade (7:23:01 PM): I can't reciprocate the sentiment
XReniegade (7:23:07 PM): I'll just have to sleep with you to make it up
Reddragonlady47 (7:24:12 PM): i'm tired of being so sexualized
Reddragonlady47 (7:25:02 PM): i want to feel devoid of all sexual feeling
XReniegade (7:25:06 PM): hmmm
XReniegade (7:25:07 PM): ok
XReniegade (7:25:15 PM): can I use you as a maid then?
XReniegade (7:25:19 PM): I need my clothes folded
Reddragonlady47 (7:25:23 PM): i need the innocence of childhood again
Reddragonlady47 (7:25:25 PM): LOL
Reddragonlady47 (7:25:26 PM): okay
XReniegade (7:26:09 PM): hmmm
XReniegade (7:26:11 PM): Hi Ariel
XReniegade (7:26:14 PM): wanna play playdo today?
XReniegade (7:26:22 PM): Don't eat the purple one, it tastes icky
XReniegade (7:26:25 PM): I like red
XReniegade (7:26:27 PM):
Reddragonlady47 (7:26:38 PM): Are you afraid?
XReniegade (7:27:15 PM): just a little
XReniegade (7:27:32 PM): <- me when you ate all the red play do
Reddragonlady47 (7:27:41 PM): lol
Reddragonlady47 (7:27:56 PM): have i disrupted the comfort of your conversation
XReniegade (7:28:12 PM): no lol
XReniegade (7:28:30 PM): I have no comfort zone
Reddragonlady47 (7:28:41 PM): interesting
Reddragonlady47 (7:28:58 PM): are you always uncomfortable or never
XReniegade (7:29:07 PM): I'm comfortable in my own skin
Reddragonlady47 (7:29:17 PM): that's always good
XReniegade (7:29:21 PM): but other people's skin just don't fit well
Reddragonlady47 (7:29:25 PM): lol
XReniegade(7:29:30 PM): some are baggy, some or too tight
Reddragonlady47 (7:29:44 PM): i'm tired of being other people
Reddragonlady47 (7:30:11 PM): i'm tired of my fantasy world
XReniegade (7:30:12 PM): other people should become you
Reddragonlady47 (7:30:18 PM): it's not new anymore
XReniegade (7:30:21 PM): hmmm
XReniegade (7:30:25 PM): how can I make it new?
Reddragonlady47 (7:30:33 PM): i don't know
Reddragonlady47 (7:30:56 PM): i have to stop living life through my made up characters
Reddragonlady47 (7:31:30 PM): i tend to get obsessive about certain points in my fantasy world
Reddragonlady47 (7:31:39 PM): i think about them all the time
XReniegade (7:31:46 PM): like the albino and ekobah?
Reddragonlady47 (7:32:00 PM): deeper than that
Reddragonlady47 (7:32:15 PM): and then i hate how obsessive i get
Reddragonlady47 (7:32:29 PM): and i become disgusted with my own mind
Reddragonlady47 (7:32:38 PM): and my own thoughts
XReniegade(7:33:39 PM): hmmm
XReniegade (7:33:44 PM): everything in moderation
Reddragonlady47 (7:33:53 PM): i'm not that way
XReniegade (7:34:03 PM): don't become too obsessive over things
Reddragonlady47 (7:34:25 PM): my mind sticks to ideas and thoughts, one at a time
XReniegade (7:34:39 PM): hmmm
Reddragonlady47 (7:35:21 PM): i'm not satisfied till i explore every avenue of that idea or concept
Reddragonlady47 (7:35:33 PM): and then i abandon it
Reddragonlady47 (7:35:40 PM): and look for another
XReniegade (7:36:11 PM): hmmm
XReniegade (7:36:15 PM): that's rather odd
Reddragonlady47 (7:36:19 PM): Are you afraid now?
XReniegade (7:36:21 PM): its good to have a fantasy world
XReniegade (7:36:34 PM): but not to the point where you mind is completely swallowed by it
XReniegade (7:36:38 PM): I'm not scared
Reddragonlady47 (7:36:42 PM): good
XReniegade (7:36:43 PM): it takes a lot to scare me
XReniegade (7:36:50 PM): like the urban legends thing
XReniegade (7:36:52 PM):
XReniegade (7:36:53 PM): scary
Reddragonlady47 (7:36:54 PM): lol
XReniegade (7:37:08 PM): My friend Faye
XReniegade (7:37:23 PM): used to be completely taken by her fantasies
XReniegade (7:37:25 PM): like it was bad
Reddragonlady47 (7:37:37 PM): oh...Faye
XReniegade (7:37:38 PM): she would begin talking and acting like some character she made up
Reddragonlady47 (7:38:03 PM): i'm afraid to end up that way
XReniegade (7:38:12 PM): you had to call her by her character's name or she would not respond
Reddragonlady47 (7:38:17 PM): i do that you know
Reddragonlady47 (7:38:23 PM): just not to other people
XReniegade (7:38:35 PM): do you write a lot?
Reddragonlady47 (7:38:44 PM): i can't
Reddragonlady47 (7:38:57 PM): whatever i write doesn't come out how i want it too
Reddragonlady47 (7:39:16 PM): i have the mind of a writer without the inclination to write
XReniegade (7:39:16 PM): if you got these ideas and released them on paper
Reddragonlady47 (7:39:22 PM): i'm trying
XReniegade (7:39:25 PM): don't write in organization
XReniegade (7:39:33 PM): forget grammar, english
XReniegade (7:39:35 PM): vocabulary
XReniegade (7:39:47 PM): she regugitate on power without worrying about structure or comprehension
Reddragonlady47 (7:39:56 PM): that's so strange, that's exactly what i did today,
XReniegade (7:39:59 PM): that sentence came out bizarre
Reddragonlady47 (7:40:04 PM): lol
XReniegade (7:40:16 PM): just regurgitate on paper without worrying about studying or comprehension
XReniegade (7:40:43 PM): funnel your ideas into a medium that does require morphing into an entirely different person
Reddragonlady47 (7:40:49 PM): i need to start carrying a notebook around
XReniegade (7:40:51 PM): I'm always here to discuss and share fantasies with you
Reddragonlady47 (7:40:55 PM): that's a good idea
Reddragonlady47 (7:41:14 PM): these phases don't occur that often
Reddragonlady47 (7:41:25 PM): i haven't felt like this for a few years
XReniegade (7:42:01 PM):
XReniegade (7:42:03 PM): Me here! Me here!
XReniegade (7:42:07 PM): Me care! Me care!
XReniegade (7:42:11 PM): Me Free! Me Free!
XReniegade (7:42:24 PM): Psychitrist expensive!
Reddragonlady47 (7:42:29 PM): lol
Reddragonlady47 (7:42:52 PM): it's strange how you have become my sounding board
Reddragonlady47 (7:43:03 PM): i like sharing my thoughts with you
XReniegade (7:43:20 PM): oh I feel so tingly inside
XReniegade (7:44:50 PM): your fantasies are fun (since I lack any)
XReniegade (7:44:57 PM): but I have no idea they were manifesting your life
Reddragonlady47 (7:45:07 PM): well good, live vicariously
XReniegade (7:45:23 PM): I'm going to be a terrible mother if so
Reddragonlady47 (7:45:24 PM): i lack a true sense of self
Reddragonlady47 (7:45:31 PM): lol
XReniegade (7:45:33 PM): well its college time
XReniegade (7:45:37 PM): thats when you build it up
Reddragonlady47 (7:45:46 PM): i suppose
XReniegade (7:46:00 PM): High school was too constricted of an eviroment to really express yourself in free form
Reddragonlady47 (7:46:19 PM): yes, too confined
XReniegade (7:46:50 PM): social pressure to fit in a certain mold I suppose
Reddragonlady47 (7:46:55 PM): by rules, and groups
Reddragonlady47 (7:46:57 PM): yes
XReniegade (7:47:12 PM): although our group wasn't as bad
Reddragonlady47 (7:47:17 PM): i just read this book called stargirl
Reddragonlady47 (7:47:27 PM): it was about conformity
XReniegade (7:47:29 PM): I don't think it provided a secure atmosphere for everyone to really let themselves out
Reddragonlady47 (7:47:36 PM): no
XReniegade (7:47:38 PM): I think I dominated the air by being too out there
Reddragonlady47 (7:47:44 PM): no
Reddragonlady47 (7:47:54 PM): you were a breath of fresh air
Reddragonlady47 (7:48:00 PM): something different
XReniegade (7:48:02 PM): ooh ooh
Reddragonlady47 (7:48:04 PM): i liked that
XReniegade (7:48:09 PM): can I be the nice clean air from the alps
Reddragonlady47 (7:48:12 PM): even when i was intimidated
Reddragonlady47 (7:48:16 PM): lol ok
XReniegade (7:48:16 PM): no LA smog
XReniegade (7:48:20 PM): though I am a product of LA
XReniegade (7:48:36 PM): I never felt conforming
XReniegade (7:48:48 PM): but I don't think I expressed enough how much I wanted everyone to break out
Reddragonlady47 (7:48:59 PM): you should read stargirl
XReniegade (7:49:03 PM): I should
Reddragonlady47 (7:49:21 PM): it's about a girl who is so different than the others at her school
Reddragonlady47 (7:49:36 PM): i don't know
Reddragonlady47 (7:49:49 PM): it's made me contemplative all afternoon
XReniegade (7:50:09 PM): well I'm hoping college gives you an open area
XReniegade (7:50:12 PM): you are brilliant
XReniegade (7:50:16 PM): you deserve to be free
XReniegade (7:50:32 PM): I'm glad I can conform most of me expressions and emotions into these emoticons
Reddragonlady47 (7:50:44 PM): hee hee
Reddragonlady47 (7:50:56 PM): i think i'm a voyeur at heart
XReniegade (7:51:02 PM): ooh
Reddragonlady47 (7:51:15 PM): i like watching...just not partaking
XReniegade (7:51:20 PM): an observer
Reddragonlady47 (7:51:23 PM): yes
XReniegade (7:51:27 PM): that's good
XReniegade (7:51:35 PM): you catch things some people never catch
XReniegade (7:51:47 PM): like me who never knew there was a drinking fountain on the 2nd floor until 2 weeks ago
Reddragonlady47 (7:51:53 PM): lol
Reddragonlady47 (7:53:03 PM): you have completely destroyed anything i wanted to write on my blog
XReniegade (7:53:15 PM):
XReniegade (7:53:17 PM):
XReniegade (7:53:19 PM):
Reddragonlady47 (7:53:39 PM): i was using my blog to deal with my feelings
XReniegade (7:53:48 PM): uh oh
Reddragonlady47 (7:53:53 PM): but i just wrote everything i wanted to write here with you
XReniegade (7:54:03 PM): you can spank me (preferably hard )
Reddragonlady47 (7:54:33 PM): your comment falls on deaf ears
Reddragonlady47 (7:54:51 PM): no sexual references for a while from me
Reddragonlady47 (7:54:57 PM): :-P
XReniegade (7:55:01 PM): oh ok *gets soap and cleans act up*
Reddragonlady47 (7:55:07 PM): lol
Reddragonlady47 (7:55:18 PM): :-D
XReniegade (7:55:23 PM): you just had to tell me that the moment I ordered red lace lingerei
XReniegade (7:55:27 PM): *sigh*
XReniegade (7:55:33 PM): now who am I going to wear it for
XReniegade (7:55:38 PM): j/k j/k
XReniegade (7:55:45 PM): I will be clean lol
Reddragonlady47 (7:55:46 PM): hee hee...my smileys are not all that expressive
Reddragonlady47 (7:55:48 PM): lol
Reddragonlady47 (7:55:50 PM): it's okay
Reddragonlady47 (7:55:57 PM): you can be yourself
XReniegade (7:56:03 PM): lol
XReniegade (7:56:05 PM): me myself?
Reddragonlady47 (7:56:10 PM): don't change if you don't want to
XReniegade (7:56:13 PM): dude let's bust out with the duplex lego and play do
Reddragonlady47 (7:56:20 PM): lol

Reading List:

Just Finished: Stargirl by Jerry Spinneli...awesome book, left me depressed and contemplative though. totally reccomend it though

Still Reading: Wheel of Time books; The Dragon Reborn (book 3)...just started this actually

Just Started: Plainsong (Kent Haruf), Jude the Obscure (Thomas Hardy), The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)...cuz I really have to stop bashing this book before reading it. Who knows, maybe I'll be joining her cult by the end of it.

Random Book of the Week: (literally chosen at random from the library) Mamba by Stuart Cloete

books to read eventually: the giver, the mediator series,

oh yeah, school again...blah

2004-02-23T18:19:00.000-08:00

i hate mondays, they are just so depressing. Not as depressing as sundays though. Since all day sunday I know that the next day is monday.

Well I had an okay weekend. It started bad though. I woke up friday morning with a scratchy throat. I really didn't want to be sick on my one weekend to go home. And it was raining, not that bad, but enough to be annoying. I succesfully braved traveling solo on an airplane. I had never had a complete airline/airport transaction before, so I was kind of nervous. Mostly because I didn't know what to do. Previously, my only travel experience had been with large groups who took care of everything for me. But I did fine. The plane was really tiny and a lot noisier than a jet engine plane.

I landed up sleeping all of saturday, instead of going out to lunch with friends. I did watch Independence Day and the beginning and credits of Jurassic Park. Don't really know why I saw these movies, I was just in the mood. Besides I like them. It's tradition between my sister and I to watch ID4 on July 4 and eat spaghettios and drink apple cider on New Years Eve.

I hear I missed a riot of a Mardi Gras weekend in San Luis Obispo. Literally. There were like 200 cops in riot gear messing with the formerly happy drunk people. Tear gas, arrests, rubber bullets...hmmm. It's just my opinion, but the presence of the cops in riot gear does more to incite riots and disorderly crowds than it does when they are not there.

I was terrible when it comes to WW this weekend. I was like 90 points over my flex points, just a disaster. But that's okay, cuz I got back on the wagon today. Except that i had a chili cheese dog on that wagon. so i'm barely hanging on. But i was really craving a hotdog. I haven't had one in so long.

OOH...I saw the Lizzie Mcguire movie this weekend. It wasn't half bad, even with being forced to watch it with my sis. We have decided unanimously that we like Hilary Duff's other character in the movie, Isabella, infinitely better than Lizzie. Oh, and we love Gordo, cuz he was just awesome in this movie, especially for being so small. Hilary nearly swallowed him when she kissed him. lol

LIST: Interesting Things I Have Found On the Walkway Near My Dorm

1.) vomit: aww the perenial favorite, pretty much appears every weekend
2.) a used condom: just nasty, that's it
3.) candy canes: one of the odder things i've seen, there are currently a bunch of mini candy canes spread out on our stairs.
4.) mud: okay, not that interesting

Grr....

2004-02-09T18:15:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...why is this blog so stupid sometimes. It never lets people comment, it never shows all the posts. Grrr......It's getting on my nerves. Anyways, today was semi-productive. I was so exhausted last night and this morning that I missed my math class this morning. I swear I'll go tommorow. In english we had our final. Which was an essay of course. It was based on an article that stated that with our children's busy lives, there is no time to just be bored, or to not do anything at all. The author claims that boredom fuels creativity. I so agree with this. When I was young I maybe went to a one week camp during the summer, but the rest of the time was left for my sister and I to come up with interesting things to do. I remember that we wanted to create a circus with the girl Ashley down the street. We used her swing set and we would do nifty jumps and play on the rings. We even wanted to sell tickets. My sis and I also had a camp in the forest (our backyard) where we made food and soup out of the oleander leaves (I didn't even knew we had an oleander bush, did know the leaves were poisonous though.) As I got older, I stopped acting out the fantasy worlds in my head. Instead, I am constantly refining my stories and creating new ones. Usually I start with a character from a book or movie I like and then develop their life story and where they live. Everything, from books to movies are subtly included in my stories. I create whole dialogues and substories within my head. Only when I'm alone do I kind of act them out. I'm never really bored because I am always falling back on this mental storytelling to keep me occupied. I do this while walking between classes, in classes when I'm bored, pretty much all the time. Sometimes I think more about my fantasy worlds then I do my own life.

So....I would like to know if anybody else does this. How do you pass the time mentally. What do you do when you are bored. And please don't tell me you AIM or read or watch tv...then you've missed my point entirely.

Adios

p.s. I think my thighs are getting skinnier. Or maybe it's just my imagination. hmmm....
Archie 12lbs
Kebede 11lbs (Archie and Kebede are buddies)
Enrique 4.5lbs (oh, how cute, he's just a week old)

oh...so bored

2004-02-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

Ahhhh, I'm bored and sore and very tired. I went to WW this morning and now I'm proud to say that Archie is 12 lbs. I got my five pound bookmark. <yawn> I started swimming again. I haven't swam in probably 2 years. I've always wanted to get back into it but I never made the time to do it. It felt really good. So now I walk for 30 min. swim for 30 min. and every other day I do pilates (for my tummy pooch) I'm so proud that I'm active again. But it's making me so tired. It's ten and I already want to crash. ahhh. <yawn>

so anyways, I wish you all a happy weekend and I hope that BMMS and MCHS kicked butt at Science Olympiad.

my inner self (eww..not my intestines)

2004-02-05T17:58:00.000-08:00

I've been looking at pictures of myself from when I was younger. Pictures of when I was in kindergarden, at a buffet in Las Vegas, girl scout camps, at Sea World, but I keep going back to one picture. It was either my 10 or 11th birthday and my friend Laura, Shannon and I went to the beach. We are standing next to each other giving each bunny ears. The one thing I remember about that trip was that I was constantly comparing my weight to my friends. I remember thinking I was so fat next to them. I spent most of the time hunkering down, trying not to show my fat, bare legs. But this isn't the only incident of comparing my body to others. I am now pretty sure I have felt fat for my entire life. I felt bigger and fatter than all of my friends, swim teamates, people at school, etc.

The sad part, is that none of this was true. I was most definitely not fat compared to everyone else. I look at these pictures, and see what I want to become again. I wasn't fat like I thought. That picture of the beach is killing me, because throughout that whole time I felt overweight, but I was simply more mature than my friends. For one, I was a good 2 inches taller. Secondly I had a hell of an hourglass shape. I actually had a well defined waist line where my friends were simply straight up and down (no offense.) I looked older than my friends, after all I hit puberty before them. But I confused that maturity with being overweight. And perhaps that mentality has led me to resign myself to being overweight for the rest of my life. Perhaps, I would have a stronger sense of self. I could be more confident. Despite what I may say verbally, I've linked my weight with the concept that if I didn't look good, if I wasn't thin like everyone else, I wasn't good enough to know, wasn't good enough to be friends with, or even good enough to talk to someone. It's sad but ultimately true.

I don't believe I've ever really thought this through till now. I feel better for doing it too. Strange how when you make lifestyle changes, it forces you to re-evalute your own life. I feel 100% better now that I have decided not to be fat anymore. i love the feeling I get from exercising, even though pilates is kicking my ass (or namely my abs.) I am all around a much happier and energetic person.

So hopefully you've learned a little about me that you probably didn't know, and maybe you can take some wisdom from it. I know it's made me feel better

A New Day

2004-02-03T17:42:00.000-08:00

As my title states, today is a new day, and it took me untill this afternoon to believe it again. Well, first off, I thought I had done well on my math test. But of course I didn't. (This was all happening yesterday, by the way.) I failed it. If I get really good grades on my other midterm and final, maybe I can get a C. I swear I'm an idiot. Lessons learned: 1.) GO TO CLASS!!!!!!!!!! 2.) DO HOMEWORK!!!!!!! 3.) DON'T SCHEDULE CLASSES BEFORE 10:00 am. I can say I have learned from my mistakes and laziness and have been to all my classes (except physics, cuz that's just boring, lol)

More of my non-motivated weekend/day: Well instead of watching Justin Timberlake undress Janet Jackson at the superbowl, I walked into town and saw the movie Cheaper by the Dozen. Which was very cute. And Hilary Duff was actually not annoying. hmmm....anyways when I got back I was craving pizza so bad. So, I used my flex points (which I never use) and had a pizza. It was good, but I felt crappy the next day. Mostly because it was absolutely pouring (the real reason I never went to physics) and I never got to go walking (which makes me happy even when I'm failing) or do pilates because my damn roomie and her friends never left the room to go eat and there is NO way I'm rolling my tubby ass around the floor with them there.

So I weighed my self and felt even more miserable cuz I gained a pound. I blamed it on the pizza instead of reassuring myself that I have been eating a lot of fiber lately and it's most likely still swimming around in my system. grrr...Your weight can actually fluctuate up to five pounds throughout the day. I had even bought myself my 10 lb charm cuz when I weighed myself sunday morning I had lost 11 lbs. (It was an airplane charm by the way. ) So I even felt crummy wearing that.

But, Irene got me throught it. I managed to stay on program and within my points. I read the weightwatchers message boards for inspiration, and finally, today, I am back to myself and I'm staying motivated. So yay for conquering my bought of depression. I even walked in the sunshowers through Poly Canyon, saw a double rainbow, and did pilates.

Oh, how I love airplanes. I'm so glad that they will be apart of my future job. Besides getting to take an airplane to New York in March, I get to come home on the 20th of February by airplane. I'm so excited. It will be a little SAAB 340 prop plane...which only seats 34 people and I get the window seat for all 4 flights. My connection is at LAX for both directions. Oh, how cool. I can't wait. Oh....yeah...and I can't wait to see my friends too!! (:

Adios and don't stop believing

Archie and the Freshman 15

2004-01-31T14:12:00.000-08:00

Yay...I went to my WW meeting and now Archie is oficially 9.5 lbs. He's getting very big. I have also lost all the weight I have since gained in college and am now back to where I was before the summer. Which is very interesting because I didn't really gain the freshman fifteen, just the high school 70. Hmmm....anyways I'm happy and feeling good.

I wonder if people actually read this thing.

Hmmm...Alcohol and another Post

2004-01-30T14:22:00.000-08:00

Hello again...I love it when I have free time. Anyways I just overheard a funny conversation between my roomie and her friends over the calorie content of alcohol. It was just strange to hear them, at 18, talking about how they should only drink beer because the amount of calories in a shot is the same as in beer....and of course a beer will last longer. I love alcohol wisdom coming from people who shouldn't even be drinking in the first place. They all already have on-campus alcohol citations...thank god they didn't find my roomie's stash of green apple flavored vodka.

Sorry to lump you into this post Laura, but I just read your blog and I'm sincerely touched. You practically made me cry. I miss you very much too. I have no one here to banter with...ahh I miss being Logic buddies. I feel like we don't even know what's going on in each others lives. You don't even know who The Albino is. (by the way, I will explain my new albino fantasy in a later post.) call me and I'll call you. Love you lots.

hmm...British ballerina mice...interesting....oh oh Reading Rainbow..I love Geordi LaForge ...lol

**** just watched Oprah...if you have over 200 orgasms a year, you will reduce your physiological age by 6 years...damn I need a man..lol

Post Laundry Blues

2004-01-30T13:42:00.000-08:00

Aww...i'm sitting here waiting for the last load of my laundry to wash and dry. I just finished cleaning my entire room (it looks so sparkly now) so now I can relax for the time being, enjoy what joy the sunshine and breezy afternoon has to offer.

I spent the majority of last night studying for my math midterm, which was an utter joy but I don't think I failed it. Math makes me miserable and waking up at 9 in the morning for math class makes me want to die. So I have gotten into the very bad habit of skipping my morning class to sleep an extra hour. I must stop doing this!!!! grrr.

Archie is still 8lbs....I have begun to notice a change in the way my clothes feel. I once again have somewhat of a waste line, my clothes are looser and I tried on my class ring for the first time since the summer and instead of being tight, the ring was actually loose. I'm excited. To help motivate me to not eat fast food, I'm reading the book Fast Food Nation. This book explores the seedy side of happy meals. I don't really want to know how much animal feces is in my burgers but I will definitely think of this book when I go out to eat.

Adios...off to fetch the laundry

ooh i have a title and links

2004-01-29T17:03:00.000-08:00

Yay, I've figured out how to create a title and links. I'm awesome. Anyways, be sure to post stuff on my forum (link to the right)

2004-01-28T15:33:00.000-08:00

Ahhh..this blog was oficially created a few days ago, but have I written anything,.....NO!! grr...sometimes I really hate school. Anyways, I should introduce myself. My name is Ariel, I'm 18 and a freshman aerospace engineer at Cal Poly SLO. I'm originally from sunny San Diego and I miss it terribly. This website serves 2 purposes for me:

1.) this is the online version of my Logic Book (contributing authors beside me: Laura and lil sis Katie.) The Logic Book is a book where we comment on the stranger or perverse side of life. You may not think it interesting but I find my own writing to be funny as hell.

2.) I am restarting my weight loss odyssey for the 3rd time. This time is with weight watchers and so far it's working. This will be the last time I lose weight as I plan to make it to goal and stay there. My weight loss baby is Archibald (Archie) Fatticus III and as of today he is 8lbs. So go him and go me! I will update archie's weight weekly.

On a side note: Why have I started to watch Dr. Phil? I've never really watched his show before cuz I thought he was too confrontational, yet I find myself watching him every day. Same with Oprah if I don't have class. My life has gotten very sad.